victoriaruth

To Lauren

John, I'm sorry if this entry angers you, but I have to type this out. I am sorry if Lauren gets pissed off at you for my words.

Lauren,

What the hell do YOU THINK YOU'RE doing? The last time I checked, I was capable of taking care of myself and clearheaded enough to make my own damn decisions. My choice to go to Arizona and "fuck" William, was MY CHOICE! You are not my mother, father, nor anyone I could give a shit about. I don't have to ask for your permission to do anything. I am fully capable of doing whatever the hell I want to whenever the hell I want to.

And you need to get your ears cleaned out. The message I left on John's phone was for John, not you. He matters to me, you don't. I said what I said out of concern for a friend and the fact that I have lived that lifestyle. You have too. Think what it's doing to you. I would like to think that you would want to know what you message people at night. I have no problem letting you know what I think of you. You are the world's biggest bitch, in my eyes. You are controlling and manipulative, and I don't trust you as far as I can throw you. You need to wake up and realize that life is not all about you.

I have not wanted, nor will I ever want to control John. The fact that you said that makes me wonder if you want to. Right now, I am afraid for him. I know what it feels like to want something to hold on to and to be held on by. Lonliness makes you do crazy things.

If he ends up hurt, the blame will be in your hands. You said you could take care of him better than I could ever dream. Who said I wanted to.......I didn't....John didn't.....

And don't be the spokesperson and speak for your own damn self. If you don't want to talk to me, fine...but don't say we this and we that. Speak for your own damn self.

Maybe you need to grow up and take a long look in the mirror.

He who is without sin, cast the first stone, Lauren. Ooops, guess you can't. Have fun screwing yourself over.

~*~ Victoria Ruth Yeah I got me a little girl now and she’s 4 years old And she’s got her daddy’s little grin And you only want what you can’t have And baby you can’t have me now I gave me heart to another Yeah I’m a mother and he’s a father And we’ve got each other

2005-06-20 [12:12 a.m.]

previous sessions | the next session